I was talking with some friends the other night at bible study about how we want to undoubtedly know what the right path is before we jump in, especially with the big things in life. We want to know that God is with us & guiding us the whole way.
And I totally get that because I have really been asking myself if pursuing this new nonprofit program is really an investment of my time I want to make? I say that because I have cherished my time being a mom and raising Graycen and being present. Do I really want to give up some of that time with him to pursue this?
I want God to make it clear it will be worth all the effort and time before I jump in.
But at the same time, I have learned a lot through the years of building Be the Change (BTC) that help me to embrace the unknown because I know that God can guide me as I go. I can’t see a clear path at first, but it definitely becomes clearer as I keep moving forward.
And if He keeps opening doors as I move forward, then I am going to keep pushing forward in faith. I just have to remind myself to have the mentality that at the end of the journey, it very well may look different than what I had in mind. Regardless I can trust that he only has the best in store.
Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand - Proverbs 19:21
Or who is to say I do start off in the right direction, but get lost along the way? I have to remember that He is more than capable of getting me back on the right path if I veer off it unknowingly.
One way I know for sure when God is with me on this journey is when I remember to pray about it all. Even the trivial, minute details.
For instance, putting things into words is so difficult for me in general. Then add in spelling and grammar- Laaaawwwddd help us all haha!
But no joke, when I remember to pray before I sit down to put things into words, I swear things flow. If I forget to pray and just try to jump in: All I see is that blinking cursor and hear the blaring sound of the clock sitting on my desk ticking away.
But it reminds me of going on walks with Graycen.
At first when we would walk around our front yard, he would cling so tightly to my finger and wouldn’t take a step without that death grip. But as the days went by, his confidence grew and before long he was brushing off my attempts to hold his hand and going in whatever direction he chose.
God's blessing can get us to a point of such confidence that it is easy to get in the rut of self-reliance.
We start out clinging to God for guidance throughout the scary unknowns, but after we get our footing, we think “oh yeah I got this!” We forget about the power of prayer, especially in the smallest things.
Just like with Graycen confidently deciding which direction we went next, I was always just an arms length away. My viewpoint was much larger, I could see what was ahead that he couldn’t. But I still let him lead the way so he could see what his chosen path had in store. If there was a big dip in the grass and he fell, it is okay. If there was a rock that loosened his footing, it was okay.
They are all learning moments.
So I cherish our pitter-patter-filled-wobbly walks for many reasons. I cherish the moments that he (may or may not) squeeze my finger tightly, His sense of wonder as he glances around at the big world around him. His resilience as he dusts himself off after falling time and time again.
But what I most cherish is that our walks serve as a great reminder that no matter how much confidence God builds in me as I move forward in building out this new nonprofit program, He is always right there with me. If I choose to reach out for his hand in prayer or if I try to confidently run the path in my forgetfulness to pray, He is always an arms length away.
And I wholeheartedly trust that he cares so much for me as His child that He will pull me out of harm's way and redirect my path as needed. So even though I can’t see what He can, I can continue to move forward in confident faith with anticipation for all that is in store.
