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Not Yet

Updated: Sep 9, 2021

Just finished watching the new Cinderella movie with Camilla Cabello and my hats are off to their rendition. Such an empowering movie for women who are visionaries and entrepreneurs. Such poignant timing to all that is going on in my brain lately.

A non-profit is essentially a business and rolling out a business means setting goals and tentative deadlines to reach those goals. And lately it has become clear that right now isn’t the season of life to be able to reach tight and fast deadlines; it is a season that has to be flexible to ensure that my day isn’t too busy that I don't have time to pray, open my bible and spend intentional time with my son.

And anyone can make times for those things- even the most successful Female CEOs, but deadlines can be so blinding; so all consuming. And life, for me, doesn’t have to be that way right now. Not while so many precious things are happening so fast. And really, if a strong foundation is built before starting, then it doesn’t have to ever be blinding and all consuming.

And even though I have a detailed business plan AND roll out plan for our nonprofit idea + more people interested than I could afford to hire to help me build it out, I know that right now isn’t the time to commit to it. Because we do plan on having another kid in the next year or two and I want to be present for all of that as well. I had set deadlines to make it all work before we plan on trying for our next kid, but recently God has shown me time after time that MY time & efforts are needed elsewhere in very specific ways and I am okay with that and have found so much peace with that.

And I am okay with not knowing exactly when to open back up this next chapter of Be the Change because I know God will make it clear when that time comes. Plus it is undeniable that all that has been laid out in front of me to focus on this next year is foundational to all that is to come and I am thankful for the opportunity, clarity, time, team and resources to focus on it all.

And what a weight that has been lifted off my shoulders with this realization. The timing couldn’t have been more perfect because so many things happened and came together in the past couple of weeks that made us decide to hold off on continuing Graycen in day care.

Day care was such a relief at the time (especially because we were originally told there weren't any spots available for the entire next school year) because I was drowning in my never ending to do list and no time to ever move the needle forward. Now I have the freedom to still move the needle forward in many different ways without the burden of deadlines.

It has felt like such a “cluster”, but once the dust settled and I have been able to look back, it is so clear how God guided me through each part to get to where we are: my new schedule came about because of the childcare, our new focus and how we are going to achieve it came about because of the nonprofit idea, the way we spend our time as a family enhanced and grew in intentionality because of all the above.

And man, what a struggle it would have been to insist that MY way & MY timeline was THE way instead of being still when I started to sense the tension.

Even though there were days I did just feel like laying in bed all day because it all became a lot to process, the “tensions” in my life have become a signal that God is telling me to slow down and pray, yet not be completely paralyzed & stop all together. I have to keep moving forward in the things that do make sense, pray and it all starts to become clear.

Sure I could have kept forcing what I had envisioned for how everything should play out and when, but I have no doubts that would have just made a weak foundation to it all that wouldn’t be sustainable. Been there, done that and learned quite a bite along the way.

But this time it is not just me that sees the sustainability and the scalability and the growth potential. So we are going to do this right this time and take our time building out the solid foundation while still maintaining being able to be a present mom, wife and child of God.

At first, I found myself resentful that I had to put my dreams and plans aside (for now), kind of like what the Cinderella movie kept alluding to in different parts. But then I had to remember a favorite quote someone once told me as a kid:

God’s answers to prayers:

1. Yes

2. Not Yet

3. I have something better in mind

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